Jake always stood out as unique. He did things his way, and not the way anyone would tell him. He thrived in his uniqueness. That is who he was. Many people go through life, including me, trying to fit in. Blend into the crowd. Be normal. Do as everybody else expects, or at least what you think they expect. Jake was not this way. We always said Jake would have done better growing up in a third world country. He was on his own time. He would be late; he would forget things; he would run out of gas. It did’t matter how long it took him to complete a task the whole process was part of the journey.
I admire Jake for his athleticism. He loved to climb, bike, run, hike, kayak, and play basketball. I do have to say he excelled in the individual sports. He was a bit of a show off and did not know how to share the ball. I remember one time he took me bouldering at the base of the monument. I was so proud of myself that I made it up this little boulder. As I started to come down, I got so scared because I could not see where to put my feet. Jake ended up having to climb up after me and guide my feet each step at a time down the rock.
Just like all of us Jake had struggles. He was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when he was 11. He always struggled with keeping his blood sugars at the right level. His blood sugars were sometimes too high making him feel sick and sluggish or too low often in the middle of the night when we would find him unconscious his body jerking in a seizure. Those times were hard to watch. We pleaded with Jake to take better care of himself, we were scared for his life. There was something in his body that did not allow him to manage his sugars well. He tried. He always did everything he could. Down the road maybe we will find Jake had a whole new type of diabetes that hasn’t yet been discovered.
In the last year we had also realized that Jake was suffering from a mental illness. Who knows when it started and why it started. One guess is from some brain damage from his many seizures. I came home from Cambodia early, while Gideon stayed so that we could be in the US for the birth of our son. I lived with my parents and Jake for that month before Gideon returned as well. I did not understand at the time what Jake was going through. I saw him very forgetful, very happy, angry, antsy and paranoid. We tried to reason with him in those moments when he was angry at us, his family, which would make him more angry. I and I think my family thought that we could get through this time with Jake we just need to communicate with him. He would get mad at us, sometimes on the bridge of violence, but then after some time to calm down he would apologize and tell us that in those moments that was not him. We know it wasn’t.
My parents began to attend a support group, NAMI, for people with family members with mental illness. They began to learn the signs of mental illness and how to respond and react to those with them. They began to tell us everything they learned. Out of all of my discussions with my mom the thing that will stick is that people with mental illnesses let loose the most on their family because it is a safe place. They know that families are a place where unconditional love is supposed to be. My parents were that place for Jake. I’m not saying it was easy for them, but they were conquerors. They always showed him love, sometimes tough love. The sad thing is that not every person has that safe place and that is one reason why people end up homeless.
You know that song on KLOVE that says “What if the sorrows in this life are blessings in disguise?” I have come to look at Jake’s illness as a blessing in disguise. Jake was always an independent person. He wanted to do things on his own. He didn’t want help from anybody even though I thought he was the person in my life that needed the most help. I remember starting from after my college years he didn’t participate in family events that much. He always had somewhere else to be, usually with friends on small holidays. This last year that Jake was here on earth we had a lot of family time. He lived at home, and he wasn’t able to drive so I got to drive him places. We got to play racquetball. He came and helped Gideon and I rake the bazillion leafs at the place we were staying. I think he came to almost all the family events. I am so thankful we got to spend lots of time with him. He got to entertain Kai with his crazy dance moves.
I think back on Jake’s struggles with diabetes and all of the times God could have taken him to Heaven. He could have been in Uganda on the other side of the world. He could have been on some random street. It could have been when he was at home all alone. God’s timing is perfect. God was ready to have the whole, perfect, healed Jake with Him and Jake was ready to be there too. God took him while at home at my parents in his sleep. My parents didn’t even hear him have a seizure, which they usually do. God wanted Jake to come home.
Jake loves Jesus. The last couple of years his love for Jesus became more and more loud. You could not talk with Jake and come away ignorant of what he believes about God and God’s call for us to love. He was unashamed of his Savior. Jake’s life and his death have brought me closer to God. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Thank you for that gift. I can’t wait to see him in Heaven.
